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Two professional women: both married with kids and both juggling clients, reports, potty training, packed lunches, chores, dogs, cats, errands, husbands and …”what was that you said? SEX?”
That three-letter word that once was so frequent, so liberating, so yummy has been sidelined in a sea of life, work and snot.
It is time.
Time to put sex back on a pedestal by injecting some extra spice into our relationships.

24

The following happens between 12 a.m. and 1:30 a.m.

After Officer Lee leaves for work, Miss Lee plays Super Mario Bros. with two of the little Lees late into the night. Despite significant progress on World 5, the night ends when Lee 2 inadvertently kills her Mario TWICE, and she announces in a huff that the night of gaming is over.

The following happens between 1:30 a.m. and 4:54 a.m.

After enjoying a four-hour nap late in the day, Miss Lee can’t sleep, so she turns to Khaled Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns. While she’s only committed to the story superficially before tonight, the action grips her through putting the baby, who also napped late, to sleep, and until she reaches a valid stopping point. She curses again when she catches sight of the clock.

The following happens between 4:54 a.m. and 8 a.m.

Miss Lee sleeps with two little Lees in her bed until Mr. Lee returns home.

The following happens between 8 a.m. and 8:05 a.m.

Miss Lee invites Mr. Lee to begin the day’s “Max Out” with her, but first suggests he turn the AC down a degree. Mr. Lee clicks the thermostat once and nothing happens. It is supposed to be 104 degrees in Dallas today. Holy hell.

The following happens between 8:05 a.m. and 8:10 a.m.

Miss Lee convinces Mr. Lee to abandon the AC for the first “It” of the day.

The following happens between 8:10 a.m. and 8:11 a.m.

It.

The following happens between 8:11 a.m. and 8:20 a.m.

Miss Lee convinces Mr. Lee that the AC just needs a new filter and won’t, in fact, cost a million dollars to fix. Upon testing, her theory is proven correct.

The following happens between 8:20 a.m. and 9:00 a.m.

The baby awakens, and Miss Lee turns on, appropriately, “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure”. Mr. Lee falls asleep on the couch watching, so Miss Lee leaves to get ready for the day.

The following happens between 9:00 am. and 9:45 a.m.

Miss Lee showers and puts on her make-up while Mr. Lee transforms into a 23-year-old stallion.

The following happens between 9:45 a.m. and 10:10 a.m.

When Miss Lee asks Mr. Lee to apply aloe vera to her still sunburned back, he, impressively, repeats, putting two on the board in just over an hour.

The following happens between 10:10 a.m. and 1:30 p.m.

The Lees, enthused by their record pacing, take the kids to Bass Pro Shops. Seriously.

The following happens between 1:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.

Mr. Lee goes to sleep to fit his eight hours in before fighting bad guys at midnight. Record pacing is at a standstill.

The following happens between 9:30 p.m. and 11:00 p.m.

Little Lees wake up Mr. Lee, and the family watches Michael Phelps’ final medal run. Miss Lee shoos all three children to bed and Mr. Lee tells her she has exactly six minutes before he has to get in the shower.

The following happens between 11:00 p.m. and 11:12 p.m.

Threepeat.

The following happens between 11:12 p.m. and 12 a.m.

Mr. Lee gets dressed, leaves for work and leaves Miss Lee watching “Fashion Police.” Miss Lee realizes that while today’s max was not equal to Mr. Lee’s performance seven years ago at age 33, he still beat his best this year (0.14 a day) by more than 2100%, edging within three of his previous record.

That’s no Michael Phelps, but it ain’t no Ryan Lochte either.

Trackbacks

  1. […] was Olympic in all proportions.  Whilst the athletes were giving it all in London and Miss Lee was unleashing her inner Jack Bauer, the Duke and I were tending to an Olympic week all of our own. In the bedroom?  Not […]

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