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Bling My Ding

Two professional women: both married with kids and both juggling clients, reports, potty training, packed lunches, chores, dogs, cats, errands, husbands and …”what was that you said? SEX?”
That three-letter word that once was so frequent, so liberating, so yummy has been sidelined in a sea of life, work and snot.
It is time.
Time to put sex back on a pedestal by injecting some extra spice into our relationships.

Bling My Ding

Cathy says this stuff is the best.

This week’s mission ruled. Well, not the waxing part, that’s never really fun. Except the part when Cathy White, my designated junk artist, complimented my pain tolerance while she was working on my labia. Yes, I was proud to know that my reaction to having my lady parts yanked repeatedly dimmed (apparently by far) from that offered by other women visiting Lakewood Salons.

The Duchess and I chose to visit Cathy after we both Googled “vajazzle Dallas” separately and discovered the same provider. You see, while I loved Hilda at Heena, I just couldn’t bear the thought of her possibly not knowing what a vajazzle was and trying to explain what I wanted while bridging our slight language barrier. I needed an expert, so I booked Duch and I for the same day.

Because I was shuffling two of the little Lees out of town, Duchess went first, and called me afterward, delighted at how “cute” the result was. We were going to go together, but I realize now, that might have been odd. Especially since, when I arrived, Cathy said, “Now Duchess didn’t go all the way, but she tells me you’re taking it all off, right?”

I had actually decided not to on the way there, imagining different ways to incorporate sparkles in with a landing strip. But rather than tell her otherwise, I did my best Liz Lemon and bravely stammered, “That’s right.”

So, for the second time this year, I went bare down there. Before we started, I got to pick from a beautiful assortment of sparkly baubles, deciding a Mariah-esque butterfly would add just the right amount of classy cuteness. I chose pink instead of white thinking it was blingier, but then realized after application that I’m pink, so it didn’t show up as much.

Even so, it was pretty damn cute. Mr. Lee was running the kids to my mother’s in Austin when I got home, but came back later that night exhausted and ready for sleepy bed, not fun bed. Even so, the first thing he demanded when he walked through the door was, “Let me see it.”

And you know what that twit said?

“Is that it?”

That’s right. My bling dong was not enough for his wild imagination.

I was too sore and irritated at his response to let him have any physical contact with the vajazzle that night, but he eventually did. When he did, it was fun, set-up nicely by the novelty of my sparkly parts. Take note – that’s two weeks in a row where I have used the word “fun” in talking about our marital relations. Something’s happening…

It is worth mentioning that for the next few days, we found pink Swarovski crystals in different locations around the house. One ended up on Mr. Lee’s Mr. Happy, which he flashed to me with a smile while walking out the door for his shift Friday night. Recalling that move the next day, he was inspired with the title to this week’s post.

Besides this week’s enjoyable and titillating display, Cathy White’s affordable artistry also helped me think differently about my privates as a canvas. Next week’s showing is already determined to be a temporary tattoo. Given my current selection from the kids’ art supplies, I’m going for Captain America over Cars. She is, after all, my first avenger.

Captain America putting his pretty parts on display in an image from DeviantArt.

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