Warning: ksort() expects parameter 1 to be array, object given in /home/content/76/9475076/html/wp-content/plugins/bbpress/includes/core/template-functions.php on line 316
Joy Rides

Two professional women: both married with kids and both juggling clients, reports, potty training, packed lunches, chores, dogs, cats, errands, husbands and …”what was that you said? SEX?”
That three-letter word that once was so frequent, so liberating, so yummy has been sidelined in a sea of life, work and snot.
It is time.
Time to put sex back on a pedestal by injecting some extra spice into our relationships.

Joy Rides

It’s ironic that the week we were supposed to “Do Dallas”, I chose to leave the Big D to visit virtually every other place in Texas. It was family vacation week at the Lee house, so we packed up our three kids, my stepdaughter and my niece for a 1200-mile road trip that just screamed “sex”.

That is not to say we didn’t go for some rides.

After riding in the packed car for three hours, we had a bonfire at my parents’ house, which featured some rides for the kids on my parents’ Skid Steer. For those of you not used to vacationing in rural Texas, or anywhere with random construction equipment lying around, that’s pronounced “skidster” and looks like this:

Day two featured a ride down something very slippery.

Get your mind out of the gutter! I mean Schlitterbahn, also known as the hottest coolest time in Texas, and possibly the world’s greatest water park. After a day of overflowing swimsuits, too-tattooed bodies and rides that included, (awesomely) the Master Blaster, the couch looked appealing for a ride to sleepytown (we generously gave the other couple we were traveling with access to the beloved chastity bed).

Sidenote: my husband and our friend informed us at dinner that night that the “Master Blaster” was/is the “Magic Mike” of Dallas’ famed La Bare male strip club. How do they know? Because “EVERYONE knows that, duuuh.”

Second sidenote: this conversation took place at the same dinner in which the ever-classy Mr. Lee dubbed the water park “Schlitterschlong”. This was in response to teasing about him having ridden the Master Blaster with my friend’s husband. For those of you that have ridden it, you know that tandem riding on the Master Blaster requires you to embrace your fellow rider with your legs. Mr. Lee was behind.

Day three, we rode on down to the Texas coast for some wave-riding off North Padre Island. While the ocean was perfect, eight kids and four adults in a three bedroom condo did not have the same amorous effect on us you might expect. Mr. Lee also had a bay fishing trip the next day (he’s a master baiter), so he was anxious to get up by 5:30 to catch his boat ride.

The women spent the next day at the beach with the kids, who ranged in age from 18 months to 11 years, while the men fished. Though Mr. Lee was strongly suggestive at dinner and afterwards by the pool, our baby had other plans when he had a night terror and made me walk him outside until long after Mr. Lee had fallen asleep.

The next day, we came home. Luckily, we still had three days left in the week. Since I’m a genius (I had cleaned the house before we left and unpacked immediately when we got home) we had a relaxing Friday morning ahead of us. The kids were occupied with the return of their beloved Wii, so we closed the door, locked it, and I went for a ride.

In our relationship, I’ve always been lazy about getting on top. I call it “doing the work,” and tend to do it about as often as I “give oral pleasure”. However, since starting our missions, this was the second time I’ve taken a ride with on Mr. Lee.

This time, it counted.

Last sidenote: after the beach, I have a nineteenth-degree sunburn on my back, so not having to do this week’s mission on my back was very lucky, just like Mr. Lee.



  1. […] Miss Lee was riding her steer across Texas, the Duke and I were holding down the fort back at the ranch.  Someone has to keep an eye on J.R. […]

  2. […] painted red with glitter; and two, my three-year-old ate a piece of my skin when peeling my recovering back. I’m pretty sure that makes her a cannibal, and utterly […]

  3. […] look me in the eye the next day at “Meet the Teacher”, and one was eager to drop a Schlitterschlong joke on Mr. […]

  4. HI8US says:

    […] sneak in a trip to Schlitterbahn (remember, the hottest coolest time in Texas from last year, aka Schlitterschlong?) with the two older Lee children, but he got back at me by making me dilate and efface ever so […]

Speak Your Mind