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Just the Missions

Two professional women: both married with kids and both juggling clients, reports, potty training, packed lunches, chores, dogs, cats, errands, husbands and …”what was that you said? SEX?”
That three-letter word that once was so frequent, so liberating, so yummy has been sidelined in a sea of life, work and snot.
It is time.
Time to put sex back on a pedestal by injecting some extra spice into our relationships.

Just the Missions

Mission 1: Pop Rocks

Your inaugural Mission: Do It is to perform oral sex on your partner using Pop Rocks. Like the delectable confection, this message will explode once it makes contact with your saliva.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 2: Sex Shop

Your Mission: Do It assignment this week is to visit a sex shop WITH YOUR PARTNER and buy something. Extra points if someone there attempts to buy you.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 3: Double the Pleasure

Data shows couples have sex two times a week on average. Take this week’s Mission: Do It challenge and double that (for those of you without pencil and paper, that’s four total).

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 4: Filthy Mouth

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Plan not to this week because Mission: Do It challenges you to talk dirty during the act.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 5: Go Goldilocks

Your Mission: Do It challenge this week is to “Go Goldilocks.” We want to hear that you’ve been sleeping in someone else’s bed.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 6: To Brasil

In honor of Macy’s To Brasil campaign, and the latest Brazilitexan spawn expected from goddess Camilla McConaughey, go Brazilian “down there” for this week’s Mission. No telling your partner until your big reveal in the bedroom. The choice to do a strip, or to strip down entirely is yours.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 7: Admit You Have a Problem

Still in a rut and looking for help beyond what we’re challenging you to? Or too rutted to “rut” the way we’re suggesting? Send your story to 330casting@gmail.com to be considered for a new television show sure to give you the professional help you need.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 8: Do Dallas

The Ewings are back, and The Duchess, who adored the original Dallas from across the pond, is all atwitter. In honor of J.R.’s return to the small screen, we invite you to join us for Mission 8, a cowgirl ride on your partner.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 9: Max Out

Watching the world’s athletes parade at the Opening Ceremonies in London has inspired us to unleash our inner athletes. Mark week nine by maxing out: do it as many times as you can in one day. We’ll look for you on the medal stand.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 10: Truth or Dare

This week marks our 10th mission and the 9th anniversary of the game of “Truth or Dare” that launched Miss Lee’s relationship with Mr. Lee. After last week’s over-exertion, take some time to play. We dare you.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 11: Spring Hope

We’re not the only ones thinking about adding spice to a marriage. After reading Meryl and Tommy Lee (no, not that one), interviewed in AARP (yes, we read EVERYTHING), we’re raring to see “Hope Springs.”

*Suggestion: If you tell him it’s for a mission, he won’t have a problem seeing a chick flick (we’re pretty sure they sell Pop Rocks at the movies). Our only requirement, besides going together, is that you butter your popcorn. Yum!

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 12: Sex and the Single Girl

In honor of the recently passed Helen Gurley Brown, look in a Cosmopolitan magazine to find one recommended way to please your man, then do it. For the overachievers out there, the current issue suggests 25 sex moves and the naughty orgasm trick couples love.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 13: Back to School

This week, we pay homage to high school a la iconic movies like “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” and “American Pie”. Do it like you’re about to get caught – so fast, in fact, that you only have time to pull your panties to the side. If you manage to get under the bleachers or in the parents’ bedroom at a keg party, you win.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 14: Get Handy

It’s Labor Day, which means we get to take a little break from our main job this week, so put your tint job to good use, and give him a hand job…while driving. Obviously, we’re suggesting he has the wheel, while you drive the stick. Ha!

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 15: Hit a Triple

The Texas Rangers have kind of been amazing lately (Miss Lee secretly crushes on Matt Harrison despite his chin fuzz), and have you heard? The Duchess is sex-free. So, we want you to hit a triple this week.

Act like you’re making out again, trying to keep a semblance of your pre-Mission: Do It good girl, analyzing every move to determine whether you’ve crossed the line…or rather, advanced a base. Urban Dictionary has a good guide if you’re rusty since you’ve been going all the way.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 16: Fifty Shades

Fine. Fine. Fine. We’ll do it.

For those of you that haven’t read it, read it. For those of you that have, revisit it.

Both groups do have to pick a scene and make it real in your bedroom, or whatever that secret room you have is called.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 17: Love Bites

All this Christian Grey talk, and the telltale slag tag on our coworker’s neck last week, has us craving some love bites. Your Mission: Do It this week is to give AND get a hickey.

If it’s too round, we’ll know you used a vacuum (that’s a hoover for you, Duch).

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 18: Vajazzle

After watching last night’s “Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion (part I of a million), we’re feeling extra blingy. Take time this week to give your lady parts a sparkly makeover by visiting a professional (yes, they exist), busting out the bedazzler you used on your Lee jeans in 1991 (ouch), or buying some sticky sequin stickers (recommended).

We’ve even heard some women have parties, but we’re not there yet – maybe for mission 97.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 19: Taste Test

This week, put your man on a diet. We don’t care about his love handles or cholesterol, we care about his intake of foods like kiwi, watermelon, celery and acidic fruits like plums, blueberries and cranberries. Samantha on “Sex and the City” even used pineapple juice.

Your mission is to give him oral pleasure if he’ll take the time to make it more pleasurable, or should we say savory, per your own tastes. Google to find out how to get your preferred flavor, which we’re hoping isn’t just nutty.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does it

Mission 20: Breakfast in Bed

They say it’s the most important meal of the day, and the idea of breakfast in bed is just too good to pass up. One day this week, before the granola bar, the bowl of Golden Grahams, the cup of Fage or the three-pack of Chic-fil-a chicken minis with hashbrowns (yum), start your day with the best breakfast of all – nookie.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 21: Sext

No really, we mean it.

Nevermind if you think you’re too old. If it’s cool enough to get today’s kids going, then it’s good enough to rival the “check ‘yes’ or ‘no’” notes that got us going in middle and high school. Just be careful if you let your kids play on your phone…and they’re literate.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 22: Take it All Off

Pick a song, pick an outfit (with lots of “pieces” for the best effect), and dance your clothes off for your man this week. We’re torn between the theme to the Pink Panther and Miley’s “Party in the USA. We’re not judging the music – as long as you do your Gypsy momma proud.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 23: Just Do It

What do you think of when you think of the number 23? Michael Jordan.

What do you think of when you think of Michael Jordan? Nike.

What do you think of when you think of Nike?

You get the idea.

After all the funny business you’ve been up to. Just do it this week. For you Greyzies out there, that means vanilla.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 24: Chocolate

Our boss circulated the annual list of clients who will be lucky enough to receive a Godiva assortment this year, and thoughts of the creamy confection mingling with a nude woman on a horse have us craving our own box. This week’s challenge is to go on a diet of chocolate for a day (or just a meal) to see what the fabeled aphrodisiac will really do to your libido.

One thing we’re sure of is that all that chocolate will have the Duchess’ little baby in her belly saying “GOO!”

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 25: Guerrilla

They say sex is one of the best ways to calm your nerves, so fray his before you relax them this week. We want you to tackle, suprise, scare, attack, etc. to take it when you want it. Be careful not to involve any deadly weapons, because we’re pretty sure he’ll be packing.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 26: Twelve Days of Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas officially begin on Christmas Day. We love the partridge, the five gold rings and the swans-a-swimming but let’s see if you can wrap up the year by bringing your own spice to each of the twelve days. If you go the full hog and complete the  consecutive dozen, we will shower you with awards and accolades.

From Miss Lee and Duchess, we thank you for coming on our Mission: Do It journey with us this year. We hope it has been a source of fun and enjoyment for you and most of all inspired you to Do It too.

Here’s to 2013 – the Year of the Snake. There is a lot we can do with that in the Mission: Do It family. Let the snake-charming begin.

Happy Holidays and a very Happy New Year to one and all!

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 27: Get Back on the Horse

We all know the old adage “If you fall off you…” We’ve been floundering in the dust for so long we need to cowgirl up and get back in the saddle. This week, blow off those cobwebs, limber up, hoist your leg over and shout “Giddy up Cowboy”. What’s the betting your steed will rise to the challenge?

Duchess Does it

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 28: Bunny’s Orders

Easter Weekend has been and gone but the Easter Bunny is still very much alive in our houses, and bunny regalia is everywhere. One of the Playboy Bunnies recommends the best way to achieve the Big O is doing it doggie style. So unleash your inner animal – hop to it, dawg.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 29: Massage

Making your husband lift his shirt so you can look for “squeezies” does not count. This has to be a mutual effort in rubbing shoulders, back, feet, neck – whatever body part will please you the most and help you relax. It’s up to you how long to go, and whether to take it coital. But please, when you bring it up, pronounce it the proper British way. You know the Duchess will.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

 Mission 30: PDA

By now, you should be feeling some extra love for your Mission: Do It partner in crime, so show the world just how well you’re doing behind closed doors (except in the case of the Duchess and Miss Lee, who feel the need to plaster it all over the Internet). Your 30th Mission: Do It is to make out in a public place – soccer practice, the park, a movie theater, jail.

Just make sure you toe the line of getting arrested for indecent exposure. And, should someone holler “Get a room,” why not consider it?

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 31: Olive Oil

Miss Lee used the words “vaginal dryness” and Duchess used the word “orgasm” in a taping on national television this week responding to clever questions posed by the charming Katie Couric (catch the show Monday, April 22).

The conversation then turned to a suggestion by in-studio guests Kym Whitley of the OWN Network and expert Dr. Evelyn Minaya to take that bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil out of the kitchen and into the bedroom. We’re willing to try it if there’s a chance we’ll be smiling half as big as Katie afterwards.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 32: O, It’s Magic

Not climaxing is the top sex complaint from women, and was the number one thing we heard from “Katie” viewers who reached out to us this week. Forget quantity, gimmicks and making sure he’s happy, this week it’s all about the quality for you.

Mission 32 is to achieve the big O – no matter how long or what it takes. No faking.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 33: Role Play

The origins off Miss Lee’s pseudonym lie in an early role play she enacted with Mr. Lee, one she swears she’ll never disclose (and she’ll disclose ANYTHING). This week, pick two characters – cheerleader/football hero, nurse/patient, pool boy/lonely mafia wife – and let it play out.

While the point is to have some fun with it, the intent is to assume the identity and see where it leads you. Laugh sparingly, but be sure to Daniel Day-Lewis it wholeheartedly.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 34: Something Purdy

Think of the occasions you’ve bought something pretty for of late: clothes for the kids to wear on Easter, a new black blazer for work, yoga pants that aren’t stained or torn. Now, think of the occasions you used to buy something pretty for.

Inspired by the bedazzled stripper shoes the Duchess wore to the fancy schmancy wedding, we want you to buy and wear something this week simply because it makes you feel pretty. Scratch that. Simply because it makes you feel sexy.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 35: 9 1/2 Weeks

We intended to post this one when Miss Lee was 9 1/2 weeks out from having Lee 4, but the post-coital hangover Duchess referenced this week took over. So, with eight weeks left, we want you to bring something from your kitchen other than olive oil into the bed this week.

Well, technically speaking, you should be taking yourself to the refrigerator to match the Rourke and Basinger 1986 sizzle that still titillates today.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 36: Red Lips

The nurses on BBC’s “Call the Midwife” recently went to a dance that had Nurse Jenny Lee sporting some sumptuous red lips, which left us with a keen understanding of exactly why Jimmy’s so crazy about her.

This week, leave the comfort of your favorite mauves, pinks, browns and frosts, and wear a rich red for a full day. You may have to adjust the rest of your face to avoid looking like a prostitute, but odds are, it’s going to feel different from what you’re used to. That’s the point – don’t feel self-conscience, embrace it and be sure to pout at least once an hour. Miss Lee manages one every time she looks in the mirror.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It

Mission 37: Floor It

Odds are you were willing to do this when you lived in conditions far worse than you do now (think 12-year- and 15-tenant-old apartment carpet). But, we understand that more meaningful concerns about telltale carpet burns and determining exactly how you would get up off the floor have deterred you in the years since.

This week, leave all those worries behind to go downtown, all the way to the floor. We don’t care who drives, but if it is you, we suggest your shaggiest carpet. Pun intended.

Duchess Does It

Miss Lee Does It