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PDA via PDA

Two professional women: both married with kids and both juggling clients, reports, potty training, packed lunches, chores, dogs, cats, errands, husbands and …”what was that you said? SEX?”
That three-letter word that once was so frequent, so liberating, so yummy has been sidelined in a sea of life, work and snot.
It is time.
Time to put sex back on a pedestal by injecting some extra spice into our relationships.

PDA via PDA

Mr. Lee enjoyed a five-day fishing trip while I handled the kids this week. I try not to play the one-up game often, partly because I secretly think I have already beaten every living person in my too big head, but I really shined this week. Among the three kids, a swelling belly, an intense day job, pre-school, church, school, personal needs of friends and family, acting as proxy landlord for my parents, and this blog (which required quite a bit of extra attention this week thanks to taping with Katie Couric on Tuesday), I had the “most amazing and busy woman on earth award” hands down. Don’t argue with me, just grant me that one victory.

I joke that "Top Gun" is the reason Mr. Lee joined the Navy. He doesn't necessarily deny it.

I joke that “Top Gun” is the reason Mr. Lee joined the Navy. He doesn’t necessarily deny it, and he may occasionally respond when I call him “Maverick”.

Wednesday night, Mr. Lee surprised me by coming home two days early, which was a welcome relief. Oddly, it threw my mojo because I mistakenly assumed him swooping in would relieve my brain of at least half of the things that were requiring my attention. Then I remembered reality, which helped me manage to wake up late two days in a row, forget about snack for Lee 1’s class, and mix-up which Friday was “uniform free” at school. Pretty innocuous mistakes. However, to Mr. Lee, these crimes were enough for him to tell me I was “ridiculous” and that when I get “rattled, it affects all of us” via text.

Oh no he didn’t.

This message on a Friday morning not only unleashed a stream of raging texts from his overwhelmed wife, but it also unleashed the first tears from my stress in a long time. We exchanged heated messages, then went quiet for the rest of the day.

I have learned what battles are worth fighting, and I now have missions to fulfill, so I left his comments at Friday morning and came home for a relaxing weekend. We had a nice night at Chili’s for the umpteenth time this month (their chips and salsa with a fountain Coke are my only craving this pregnancy – heartburn be damned), and went to bed at the same time as the kids. Saturday, we didn’t have any obligations or “public appearances” until 5 p.m., so we refreshed and lay in bed late strategizing just when and how to break out the tongue for our public display of affection (PDA).

We had only met many of the parents at the baseball game once, so we saved our PDA moment for the pre-school auction on Saturday night. Halfway through the live bidding, I nearly forgot that we had something to get done, so I grabbed my PDA (personal digital assistant, aka iPhone), and did the most logical and mature thing possible. I texted my friend at the table in front of us to turn around. When she did, I grabbed Mr. Lee’s face and stuck my tongue down his throat Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis style with the best adolescent passion I could muster.

While it elicited a gasp from the other table, it also unleashed the conspiratorial giggles between us Lees. Our friend’s laughter incited the curiosity of the others at her table – preschool teachers that think Mr. Lee sleeps on top of me with no underwear – so, when they turned around, we repeated the performance. What’s the point of PDA without an audience? Emboldened by the gasps and snickering, I then texted another friend at another table and did the same.

This obviously cemented my place as the most obnoxious person at the auction, but it also proved an enjoyable joint venture for Mr. Lee and I, one which bonded us in “passion” against the world, or the room full of pre-school parents. When all the bids were placed and I had failed to win both the Great Wold Lodge AND Target gift card raffles, I was rewarded with the room’s reaction to our PDA. As she was walking out, Lee 2’s teacher (whose husband also remembered us as the couple who slept as such) asked in response to our canoodling, “Now how many of those do you want?” in reference to Lee 4 in my belly.

The mission was complete. But, I was more proud to have successfully changed the conversation a la Don Draper (and Peggy this week!) – from spousal underappreciation and blame on Friday to affectionate gloating on Saturday. Mission: Do It does it again.

Comments

  1. Candice W. Hansen says:

    Ms. Lee – you are ah-mazing! Love it and love you. Please give Mr. Lee my love, as I haven’t seen you both in WAY TOO LONG!!

    Candice (Woodward) Hansen

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