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Goldilocks

Two professional women: both married with kids and both juggling clients, reports, potty training, packed lunches, chores, dogs, cats, errands, husbands and …”what was that you said? SEX?”
That three-letter word that once was so frequent, so liberating, so yummy has been sidelined in a sea of life, work and snot.
It is time.
Time to put sex back on a pedestal by injecting some extra spice into our relationships.

The Chastity Bed

This challenge conveniently coincided with a trip my family was making to Sea World for the July 4th holiday. My parents live in Austin, so we were staying there for a few days in the guest room, which houses the dreaded chastity bed.

The chastity bed is my parents’ former bed. My parents have six children, and have been caught in the act by nearly every sibling and in-law. In fact, I caught them during our trip when I was walking back from the river they live by. Holding my youngest and leaving the other grandchildren on the bank, I spied through their uncovered windows four white soles of feet, toes pointed to heaven. As I neared the house, they scrambled out of bed to put on their clothes before I got to the house. At almost 70, they have an active sex life but have failed to comprehend the value of opaque drapes.

But I digress. My point is, in addition to the work my parents have done on it, the chastity bed has also been worn in and used by two of my married older siblings, one which I have confirmed has used it for coitus on many occassions. It’s horrible to sleep in for your back, and it makes the most obscene noise when you make any movement – kind of like the sound you would make to suggest someone is doing it, “EEE uuu EEE uuu.” Hence, it’s the chastity bed – belonging to many.

The morning after we arrived, Mr. Lee was in the mood, even knowing we would soon face Sea World with five children in tow. Maybe that’s why he had to go to his happy place. With our baby sleeping in the Pack ‘n play a foot away, and our daughter sleeping on the ground at our feet, we engaged in a quick romp without making a sound. After seven years of marriage and visits to Austin, we have mastered the chastity bed, sex with our children in the room, and not getting caught by my parents right outside the door. Success.

Trackbacks

  1. Joy Rides says:

    […] Get your mind out of the gutter! I meant Schlitterbahn, also known as the hottest coolest time in Texas, and possibly the world’s greatest water park. After a day of overflowing swimsuits, too-tattooed bodies and rides that included, (awesomely) the Master Blaster, the couch looked appealing for a ride to sleepytown (we generously gave the other couple we were traveling with access to the beloved chastity bed). […]

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